Goodbyes.

I've said many goodbyes the past two weeks. I was in Melbourne for 6 days to sell off my stuff that have sustained me through 3 years of uni life, I had to ship back some things, I gave away some things. I tried my best to catch up with people whom I won't see for some time--if ever at all. I sat in an open park at night under a lamp watching my church friends say their goodbyes in the typical CG way of saying nice things bout the person who is about to leave. It was probably untypical that it was open-air and at night with possums attacking us from all corners, but I sat there thinking...I used to be one of them. And I'm gonna miss them all. Uni friends, church friends, friends of friends, housemates, fellow editors/reporters in magazines.

All those lazy afternoons of gelati in summer and hot chocolate in winter, the roller skating by the beach, laser quest, swinging my legs over Grampians' cliffs. Watching anime and shaking my head at the DOTA guys. Blindfolding people and throwing flour at their birthdays. Eating at Sam T's ultimate bachelor apartment, steamboat at Ben's, pot bless at College Square. Retreats, camps, conventions, holidays, sea, beach, hills, sun, moon, stars, indoors, outdoors, in uni, out of uni. A person calling me at 8am on Sat morns (AHEM, ppl need to sleep..). Stressing for essays, haggling for articles, pouring over academic references. Studying together in the library. Praying, crying, laughing, smiling, frowning, misunderstandings.

Goodbye.

I went back home to Malaysia and decided I needed to clean my room before I start work on Monday. My first official job as a journalist with The Star. I needed some ORDER in my life, you know, some sort of organisation and a sense that I'm a yuppie to be.

I didn't know what to feel. Old clothes were packed away to be given to charity. The stuffed toys were stored away, gifts from childhood friends were put away. Where the photoframes once were, cosmetics now stand. Handbags hang from a wooden coat hanger, where my art papers used to be. A cheque sits on my table, where my school books used to pile. My room is full of my childhood, my teenage years, memories of people and places fill that room. It is old now. The paint is fading, hardly impressive as a yuppie room but really. I can't decide if I actually wanna grow up.

And suddenly goodbyes become harder.

This is a new season. In a few months, I won't be as free to go skating on the beach. Or hang out eating people's cooking. In a few months, I won't be as naive anymore. I'm gonna meet new people and new friends, and discover all over again if I can trust them. I'll be driving round, with a proper handbag on my arm and wearing high heels. And maybe even a dash of make-up (oh horror!). And trying to snoop around people's lives without getting caught.

And before you know it, I'm a woman.