There are times where I feel like running away and hiding from it all. Hoping the world will stop- even if it's just for a day.
No, there is nothing truly dramatic happening, no one is dying (at the moment, by the grace of God). I still have family and friends, my house isn't burning to the ground. But there is just something about change that really upsets the balance of life. My life has always been about change and I thought I was prepared, but apparently I'm not.
I've changed churches, changed schools, changed some circles of friends, changed country to some extent, changed jobs. And though some things don't really change, I'm acutely aware nothing in this life remains the same, except God.
Soon I will move out of the house, and be married and have another set of parents, family, etc. I've changed jobs and I still can't seem to feel like I fit in. Change from being employee to employer. I'm going to change churches (yet again) when I marry. All the time not feeling like I have any group of friends that have been with me through it all. But that's not surprising, been like that most of my life anyway. I'm not the kind that calls ppl up (I hardly call anyone up, for that matter) and cry my worries over the phone. I don't hang around with best buddies every other day (though I do have great close friends) because I learnt that even that doesn't remain.
I want to care for others, for my siblings, help my family, etc etc, shoulder their problems. But I can't even shoulder my own.
In some sense, I'm a girl at heart but think like a guy. I don't know if it's a good thing.
These days, I go to sleep praying while I kneel on my face..."God, I can't do this on my own. Help me, please." And this is probably exactly where He wants me to be.
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6 comments:
An investment in people's life is important to us as humans I think. Having moved a lot investing in people and having people invest in me means a lot and is hard to find. I hope and pray to find somewhere to plant your roots and grow and help others grow. It's a joy. It will be good to catch up with you through your writing.
Jesselyn
oh which are u going after u get maried minying
time for change. all the best. god bless
Sounds like you are going through some big changes. Try not to feel overwhelmed it will all work out. Good Luck
Had has the change been going?
Hi there, I just stumbled upon your blog, its like...GOLD
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