Thursday, March 30, 2006

My greatest enemy

Here I am looking at job and internship openings.

I'm trying to psyche myself up in my head to apply for them. What could go wrong anyway? So many opportunities have come my way and I overlooked them because I have always successfully convinced myself that I don't fit the bill, I don't have the necessary skills, I don't have time. I've got too much on my hands, I found myself saying again this time.

Enough. I should stop this and just go for it, Carpe Diem! they say. It's my last year in Melbourne,I should make the most of it.

Life is short--I know that. From friends' relatives dying, to babies short-lived, to watching a video on abortion where the foetus' head gets dismembered, to listening to survivors of the Holocaust. From the doctor advising to abort me 22 years ago, to the 6-yr old me hitting her head on the monsoon drain, to me screaming "NO! God, No!!" in the car last year before it crashed, hands symbolically over my head defiantly telling God that my time has not yet come. And He knows it has not come. I'm here for a reason.

I could have died in many ways...and yet I'm here, living, breathing, able bodied, relatively unscarred.

Oh gosh, how did I come to this :p

I guess the point I'm getting at, is since I have a chance at life, why not make the most of it? Why do I keep worrying about not meeting people's expectations, about appearing stupid, about a 100 other things?

Today my enemy isn't my circumstance ,or demons, or people. My enemy is myself.

3 comments:

_butt said...

You're rite, Sarah. Sometimes I wonder why I cared abt them when I should be out there and just livin' it, getting the most out of life. Of course, the hardest part is actually practicing it.. until you eventually find yourself sidetracked again.

But things did happen for a reason. This.

houng said...

Sarah, I agree, my enemy is you.











ok, maybe not, haha, but wow, that's quite a few exciting experiences, you have a way with cheap thrills, lol......ok, serious.. i had quite a few would-be car crashes myself, a few as in like 10? a couple of them, if they had happened, i would be one of those red-horned devils poking people with pitch forks in hell right now, and yea, my time hasn't come too yet, haha, so let's rock on!!! (as in give life a chance by actually living)

Ash said...

Brushes with death hmmm?

Life is short. And yes you should try your best with all of those job oppurtunities. Good luck.

All here for a reason.