Selfless is not a dirty word

Have you ever thought about what it takes to make a marriage work or start a family?

Well, a lot actually. Physical, emotional resources, money, time, self-discipline, will power, research, love (duh)....etc. It's mostly giving and giving and giving, and sometimes getting intangible rewards in return (which is very rewarding, if one isn't too materialistic).

It's my opinion that people who enter marriages or have kids thinking others will fulfill them or they will find happiness in life that way would be dissappointed at some point. It could be that one day, your spouse may walk out on you, or your kids may rebel and run away, or become ungrateful when you're old and useless. Or maybe you're just not satisfied anyway because the marriage has lost it's romance, or the spouse isn't what you thought he or she would be. Of course, people could marry a rich fella purely for the 'tai tai' lifestyle and get the money, but that's different altogether.

So. My colleagues have been asking me, "Sarah, it's great that you're engaged. But do you REALLY want to get married?" Some just stop there, while others add a reason of "but you're so young!" I'll be 25 next year when I marry, I don't think I'm a kid. You might be interested to know that half my office floor are singles...and they're not young, but they're seemingly happy that way. But I see where they're coming from.

They must be thinking, 'does this poor girl know what she is getting herself into? What about career advancement, traveling and seeing the world, having a few more flings in the dating scene? How about pursuing further studies, going wherever you want with no strings attached, no kids running around? What if the spouse turns out below par?'

Honestly, I've thought about all that. A few times too. When I marry, I give up a few of my dreams- dreams of furthering my studies, or achieving certain things in my career, of seeing the world. My fiance already irritates me on a variety of significant and insignificant issues. When I have kids, I know I'd have to sacrifice even more. But you know what? That's what love is about, which differentiates it from lust. There's a saying; it's possible to give without loving but it's impossible to love without giving.

I think we would never know what true love is if we could never be selfless.

Make money! And more money!

I see so many Internet marketing websites around, it's not funny.

It goes something like "I've made 96 million the past one year and you can too! Scroll down to find out how!" or "Work from home and make $5,000 a month, guaranteed!"

Right.

Then there is this looooooooong spiel about how this book/programme/software will change your life, just open this website, all the resources are in the CD or book, just sit back and watch the money roll in. Then what follows is a list of 'real life' testimonies about people who tried it and started raving about it ("oh wow, I've made $4,989 the past month! I thought this was just another scam but I'm so glad I tried it" yadayada) and then, you might even get scanned copies of the author's bank account showing how the money is rolling in.

The amazing thing is, the marketing spiel is really long, and the website is really verbiose and long-winded, but people (including me) would actually read the whole darn thing. And then, the best part is, this author keeps telling you this isn't a scam, that this "secret" is so good, he can't keep it to himself and therefore is sharing it with you. Some go further and say "I've tried many things out there and have been dissappointed. So I know how you feel, but I've been there, done that, and I know this works."

But of course, if you really want to find out if it works, you have to buy his product for $50 or $300, whatever it is.

But oh, that's not the end. He will give you money back guarantee within 30 days! And hurry, he's only releasing it at a special price within the next 24 hours! (one website even had a timer ticking off the seconds). *stress*

Ok, let me get this straight. You are a multimillionare, I'm not even sure if you're listed by Forbes, and now you wanna share this great news with me. And all I have to do is set up a website in 5 mins and watch thousands of dollars roll in. And how is it that the last 20 websites of 20 different names I went to sound almost the SAME?

I don't doubt people can be rich through this thing, but you know how? It's through manipulating idiots like you and me (and playing on our lust for money) to buy their products, and say a few hundred buy every month- there u have it...the thousands of cash rolling in. It's like MLM, just less effort and more insidious.

The engagement

Since lots of people have been asking me how my boyfriend Meng proposed to me, I decided to write it all down here (after repeating myself for about 100 times :D- not that I ever tire of the story!).

Ok. So on Tuesday, Meng casually mentioned he wanted to go to TGIF for dinner the next day, because some of his students (he is a college lecturer) are working as waiters there.

"I promised them I would visit," he said. "They said they wanted to let me try some off-menu food."

So on Sept 3 Wed night, we both went off to TGIF, and apparently his student who could get him "off-menu food" was not working that night. But he did turn up in casual clothing and greeted us, before settling down with some friends for a drink on the other end of the restaurant.

Well to be entirely honest, I was dissappointed that I didn't get to try "off-menu" food but the student was not on duty that night, so I thought 'fair enough'.

Meng and I ordered a set, and conversation was lively and normal except that he was sending text messages to his friends.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"My CG guys, I'm trying to get the to call John in US- you know, talk to him or something," he said.

Hmm, I thought, I hope John is alright. Then we went on talking about other things.

While I was munching on the dessert of chocolate cake, suddenly two of Meng's CG guys-Joel and Gideon- show up with this HUGE bouquet of pink lilies and a paper bag.

Now, I was very shocked. Meng hardly gives me flowers (he's only done it twice since I knew him I think) and definitely not in public.

"Ms Chew, delivery for you..." Joel says and hands me the flowers, and Gideon just stands there and passes me the paper bag.

"NO WAYYYYY," I was saying, thinking it was probably some belated anniversary belated thing.

Anyway, I open the bag and find a box....which I unwrapped slowly and kept unwrapping and unwrapping because Meng had it covered in 15 layers. Some of it had messages for me.

All throughout, Meng was unsuccessfully pretending to be jealous that it was some other guy who gave me the stuff saying "who is it, huh? Why give you flowers one??" while he keeps smiling.

And here I was unwrapping his box until I came to a ring box.

I held my breath, open the box and......

there was no ring.

There was only a piece of paper that said 'You got me!' with a picture of a squid (inside joke- he used to mock-propose to me with deep fried calamari rings).

THEN, while I was laughing and scolding him, he added "You REALLY thought I was gonna propose huh?"

So I scolded him somemore, but didn't do too good a job cuz I was happy, stunned, confused, in disbelief and thinking at the back of my mind "I can't believe this guy. I can't believe this is happening. I think he will probably propose later somewhere private...in the car, perhaps."

After laughing at me for about 20 seconds, he suddenly got up from his seat.

"For the sake of my students who are watching and those who want me to do this--"

Then he went down on one knee (with everyone watching, of course) and asked "Will you marry me?"

Now, I was even MORE shocked (and covering my face in shyness) and actually said "What??"

The poor guy kept looking at me and was like 'quick, answer, quick!' and I finally said "Of course I'll marry you."

Then he quickly sat beside me while people erupted in cheers and claps and someone yelled "THERE'S A PROPOSAL IN THE HOUSE!"

I practically just buried my face in his shoulder and cried. In joy, of course :)

Me and Meng posing with my flowers and the ring after the drama

The CG guys who had a hand in the proposal

My ring and my lilies

Tony Pua: "We want YOU!"

DAP should put this picture on all their flyers next time!

Anwar this, Anwar that, BN is such a pussycat

But for the rest of us, it's just too bad
Caught in the middle, what can we do?
I'm sure everyone is frustrated too.

Ten years forward and it has come one full round
economy, sodomy, injustice- we're spiralling to the ground
the principle of 'we reap what we sow'
will spare no one be it friend or foe.

I pray 10 years later my children won't say
"Mummy mummy, why have we become this way,
why have all my friends gone to Australia
why do they say democracy is a failure?"

On and on we point our fingers
But we won't allow our children to be teachers
to teach the values that matter in life
so that the next generation will not live in strife.

On and on we accuse our fellow men
But we can't be united to take a stand
We persist in our perceptions of race and religion
and forget all that is essentially human.

On and on we talk about 'if only'
But we rather not get our hands dirty
We think of our comfort and our money
We run and leave others to the fate of man's folly.

So, on and on we will spiral to the ground
In another 10 years, it will come one full round
If we don't wake up to the principle of 'we reap what we sow'
It will spare no one- be it friend or foe.

Today,

I woke up with diarrhea.
I had to arrange interviews at office.
I attended a 2 hour training on InCopy and the whole new computer system my office will soon use.
Someone told me he wants to date some girl, whom I think will not be beneficial for him.
My hairstyle became a subject of conversation over tea with a colleague, discussing if Rm380 of 6-7hour perming is worth it (I've not done it yet).
I had to translate some press release from the Education Ministry, praising themselves.
I had my passport photo taken.
Over dinner, I argued with my siblings about the cause of our collective diarrhea, through analytical deductions of who-ate-what-who-did-not-have-diarrhea, until I finally said, "But we have diarrhea anyway, it's done and over with, WHO CARES??"
My friend called asking me to recommend a hot tall chick to act on some television series, as "the girl next door".

I'm sitting here wondering if I'm not a hot chick and why I'm not tall.
I hope I have made peace with my stomach or large intestines or whatever that crap comes from.

Star-ring journalists

I'm working this weekend, and not much is happening (which is great) except that I have to write advertorials for the sponsors of our C4R poster campaign (not so great).

When I came in on Sat, I noticed at the corner of my floor was cameras, lights, mics, directors, actor and actresses milling around with name tags saying 'film crew'.

I don't know who these actors/ses are, though they must be some popular local celebrities but it beats me....maybe someone can help enlighten me.

So I thought 'Oo, looks happening in here' and decided to take a peek at how TV production is done. It's a series on journalists I think, a few requests had been going around in the office some weeks earlier for some of us Star journos to 'act' as ourselves, sitting down and doing work for a scene in a TV series. I don't know if anyone answered the call (I tried, but they randomly called me one afternoon and asked 'can you come to Cheras now?' when I was on the way to Gentings or something), but this must be that tv series.

So anyway, the directors kept giving instructions and saying 'cut!' 'Action!' a few times and they did many retakes. But I caught bits of the scene conversation...something like:

Girl A to Guy: *whisper whisper, you know etc...*

Girl B (walking by): What is??

Girl A: Why should you know (bla bla bla)

Girl B: You have to answer to me (or something like that)

Girl A: Hah! MAKE me...

and they go on being bitchy to each other while the guy slinks away.

I was thinking 'Oi, journalists are usually not like that la.' I dunno bout magazine writers, but really, if Star journos wanna be bitchy, its a bit more subtle than 'Oh my god, what did you say about me??!' or other bimbotic bitchiness.

But oh well, it's called tv drama for a reason.

The things I do for my job

The assignment (a drama competition organised by Digi) was supposed to be at 1pm, but I decided to reach at 1.30pm- to avoid all the protocol etc. Now, I dunno why this happened, but upon reaching Dewan Bahasa and Pustaka (DBP) and seeing all their back entrances blocked, I thought I would go in via the front entrance but there was where I lost my way...thanks to all the construction work surrounding that place.

So. After driving around for nearly an hour and my dad frantically trying to direct me on the phone (but the roads he was talking about were blocked too), I decided to park my car at Muzium and take a taxi to DBP.

The taxi guy, Joseph, was quiet at first and then I started talking to him in Malay thinking he was Malay, (that was before I saw his name on his license) and he replied in articulate English. Then I found out he was some construction consultant, lost everything and now driving a taxi "in the meanwhile to survive". We went on talking about KL roads, contruction industry, karma, astrology and God. At times the conversation became weird when he said maybe one day I'll write his book la, asked if I'm married la because I "don't have a married woman's body."

He lost his way about once or twice, so yeah. When I reached the place, it was about...3pm or so.

My head was throbbing, I sat in the packed hall full of screaming primary school kids. To make it worse, the emcee was yelling into the mic to get the kids up and pumping and making them shout FUIYOH and watever else.

I left early, because I wanted to catch a ride from the photographer...but ended up waiting on the kerb because his friend was holding his car keys, and his friend wasn't anywhere nearby. Zzzz.

Now I'm back at the office waiting to go for a night assignment. Save me.

Have you seen death in the face?

I saw it yesterday.

When I found my uncle in my grandma's house, he was sitting on the toilet bowl struggling to clean himself. His head was hanging to the side, struggling to breathe and he was drooling, not a good sight...we were guessing it was stroke or heart attack, I'm not sure. The maid and I helped to carry him out to the living room.

I propped him on my knees and prayed and prayed without stopping. I tried to call an ambulance and 911 was no help at all. When my dad finally managed to get an ambulance and arrived at the house, it was 1/2 hour later. The ambulance took another 1/2 hour to come.

I wasn't afraid, just begging God to give my uncle one more chance. Not so much that we can have him around longer, although that would have been really great, but more so that he can make peace with God.

But it was too late.

At one point, the maid kept telling me 'he's gone, he's gone, he's not breathing' and I refused to believe it. I kept saying, no he's ok, he's breathing, like I could will him to live.

The paramedics came and started CPR, and I kept thinking...maybe I could have taken him straight to the hospital, if only I knew how to do CPR properly, if this, if that. But I somehow deep down knew it may not have made a difference. Only God knows when is a person's appointed time, my uncle has cheated death before in a drunk driving accident.

People don't like to be told that heaven and hell is real, that God and Jesus is real. But when you look death in the face, I know it's true. And I may never see him again. Forever.

Khairy Jamaluddin: fact or fiction

I'm been keeping alot of things to myself, and one of them is my 'conversations' with Khairy- the son-in-law of Badawi and Rembau MP.

I dunno how he can single-handedly dominate the incredible amount of rumours here and there, and everyone seems to know what he's up to even though they never met him or heard from him talking on the TV etc. So, my curiosity piqued, I decided to post some questions to the man himself.

And here are excerpts of answers to some of my questions:
Me: I have one pressing question on my mind: Can you tell me what really happened in Rembau on the voting day (with the recount and postal votes)?

KJ: I can categorically state that there was NEVER a recount for any of the seats (parliament or DUN). In fact, the recount rumour was a deliberate attempt to spread disinformation that would discredit the final result.
I was at main polling centre the whole night and as the results came in from the different polling centres (peti undi), there was never at any point a need for a recount at the main centre where the results from all the streams (saluran) were collated. Whether or not there were recounts at the individual peti undi or saluran I am not sure but at no point was the main election result disputed since I won with a majority in excess of 5,000 votes on first (and only) count.
I know there is an urban legend now making its rounds saying that I lost by a couple of hundred votes then suddenly won by 5,000 plus in the recount (during which the lights may or may not have gone off), but none of that happened.
My challenger, Badrul, was not even present at the main polling centre where the results were announced. Were it true that he won and I lost or that there was a recount, you would think that he would be there for the announcement. But at no time did he show up.
As for the postal votes, there was nothing strange there either. I can't remember off hand but I think my majority from the postal votes was only about 500 so even without that I would have won. Plus, the postal vote results were among the first things the EC announced that night so there is no truth the allegation that postal votes suddenly showed up at the last minute to swing it for me.

Me: But are literally all the rumours surrounding you a complete farce then? I'm asking this on a personal basis cuz I'm curious (sometimes too curious). So like, you don't broker contracts at all...you have no influence with politicians etc? People don't try to get to your father-in-law through you? I thought it was a given with quite alot of politicians (getting contracts through, etc).

KJ: I think its safe to say that 99% of the rumours you hear about me are false or inaccurate. People hear things from people who have heard something from someone else. After a while the information gets distorted.
Many people see me for many different things. Some ask if I can help get their kids a scholarship. Some ask if they get a contract to build a university. My job is not to turn them away. Instead I listen but I don't promise anything. At best, I would just forward their requests to the relevant ministry/agency.
People expect me to bring things up to the PM. They think I can help them broker deals. They go to ministries and drop my name. Ministry officials who want to pass the buck tell businessmen that I am the only person who can help with government projects. So a myth is created. But the truth is, I don't do such things.
I am an opponent of this feudal game of patronage that has been created over the last two decades by you-know-whom. But now, I find myself as the poster boy for sleaze because of all the disinformation that's been circulating.I wish somebody would come forward with a concrete allegation so that matters can be clarified. Unfortunately its all innuendos, half-truths and spurious allegations. But once a myth is created, every little bit of falsehood feeds the legend which grows, grows and grows!

Well, that was in the words of the guy himself. Maybe your first reaction is 'yeah right, what bulls***' but think about it. If you're a Malaysian, you should know; aren't we all so good at spreading rumours? How many sms-es you received about some fuel prices rising tomorrow la, some fwd email about stuff happening la, and Mahathir saying on YouTube he admitted to throwing Anwar in jail when it was a speech taken out of context. And you believed them? So what makes stories about Khairy any different, when there isn't evidence? Think about it. I'm not for or against him, I just want people to think.

A guy hit on me

yesterday and he is only 16.

It was in a public speaking workshop I had to cover, so I sat at the table eating lunch and he came and sat next to me.

"What college are you in?" I asked.

"I'm only 16 unfortunately, though I wish I was one of those child geniuses who can do add math when they're 5, but yeah I'm not," he replied.

Then he went on and talked about how he wanted to invent a time machine so that he can go back in time and change things, then he can be the youngest genius in the world. I said he's too old to be the youngest genius.

"Well I have a gift," he said, "the gift is ME."

I kept looking at my lunch, abit stunned, but added "I hope you don't say that to all girls."

He grinned, "But some girls like it," he said. "So anyway, how about you, where are you studying?"

"I'm working...as a journalist," said I.

He stared. And stared. And nearly choked on his food.

"Oh my god."

My boyfriend trying to be blond

Here is a snippet of a online chat I had with Meng (insert typical American movie-dumb-blond-stereotype voice for red lines):

Meng: like whuuutever
me: aiyo, u trying to be bimbotic now is it...I dont like bimbo guys
Meng: like, oh my goodness, are you accusing me of being bimbotic
me: WHAHAHAHAHHA
Meng: where did u get that from, do u even know who u are
u little asian thing
me: yes, I'm ur boss
Meng: my boss?
do u even know who i ammm
me: my slave?
Meng: kiss my chihuahua

In the middle

No one likes to see their parents fighting.

At least, I hope no one does. My family is not perfect, although people envy how we are all closely knitted but sometimes it's a double edged sword. I love the fact that there are hardly any secrets in our family and we have dinner together nearly every night etc.

But then, when something is wrong with one part of the family, everyone hurts.

And sometimes I feel that I should do something to keep everyone together. Maybe I'll be the sacrifice, like the Sang Kancil caught between two elephants.

Or maybe I should just cover my ears with the pillows and pray it will pass. We've been a family together for so long, God has kept us thus far. He can do it again.

And some reading this may think, shouldn't things like these be kept as family secrets? But why, almost everyone knows what it is like to have your parents fight.

But like I said, I guess for my family there is one uniting factor. The love of God, it keeps us together anyway.

It will pass.